Lose To Win? [3.10.25]
Either the universe is trying to tell me something, or Spotify shuffle ain’t as shuffled as it used to be—because of all the songs it could play, Fantasia’s Lose to Win keeps popping up. And every time, I find myself belting out the chorus like I’m in a ‘90s R&B music video. All I need is a leather vest with no shirt underneath and to be standing in the middle of the desert, because I’ve got the emotions and dramatic hand gestures down. I'm sure my leftovers get a show watching me from the microwave while they warm up.
In retrospect, it’s crazy about how hard those brothas used to sing to win a woman’s heart—only to still be out here wildin. Like the 90's was a time. With that in mind, while I don’t necessarily agree with it, I lowkey respect the fellas today because, let’s be real, most of their music is about partying, flexing, or straight-up fucking. Fuck boy energy on every track. Love? What’s that come again? They have no interest in that level of human connection now. They're not sliding down the wall or singing in the rain no more so they're recklessness is kinda expected. But I digress.
The lose to win theme resonates with me right now not in respect to love but in more of a life in general kind of way. Because I feel as though I have been holding on to things that feel good, wait… let me be honest they're fine. You know that feeling? When something isn’t exactly what you want, but it works. It’s familiar. It’s comfortable. It could be a job, a living situation, a relationship, a friendship—whatever. It’s not bad, but you know you could be happier elsewhere.
But the fear is losing out on your comforts and possibly not getting the better situation. Imagine losing and not winning. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
But I think it’s time to take a chance. Do something different and see what happens. And this isn’t just about external losses—this is about the internal ones too. I need to let go of certain perceptions, doubts, and mental baggage that make me settle for what’s simply “sufficient.” If I create space within myself, I can finally make room for the things I actually want.
So yeah, message received loud and clear: sometimes, you have to lose in order to win. This is a winning season.
What’s one thing you know you need to let go of in order to make space for something greater? Have you done it before and it actually paid off?
Happy Monday.
Let's Try this again. [3.9.25]
Some things you’ll never see coming—but I’m starting to think that’s a good thing.
For one, life has a way of testing us on the lessons we claim we’ve learned, and there’s no avoiding those moments. Two, if you don’t see something coming, you’re either fully present or blissfully delusional—either way, you’re winning. And lastly, things unfold exactly as they’re meant to, even when they’re uncomfortable or painful. Trying to prevent any thing from happening is often an attempt to control everything, and “Ain't nobody got time for that!”
I remember my dad repeatedly telling a younger me the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I got so tired of him reiterating this statement at every turn, but now? It’s one of the most profound principles I carry with me. Religion aside, this mindset has helped me maintain autonomy of my emotions, actions, and thoughts.
I bring this up because, recently, I had to remind myself to stay present—not to predict failure, not to constantly remedy opportunities, but to use my innate wisdom to know the difference. To accept things as they come and only rise to the occasion of taking action if needed. I'm pretty sure I am blissfully delusional because I tend to live in a world of my own. I have so much real estate there, its wild. But honestly? It works for me. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I don’t know what’s next, and I’m not trying to see what’s coming. I’m too enamored with right now. Hey B. ;-)
What about you? Are you constantly looking ahead, or are you just as blissfully delusional as me? Maybe we should get shirts—I’m Delusional & Proud. Or what do you think they should say?
Happy Sunday.
21 Days of Self Love. Where Does the Time Go? [4.24.17]
It is quite easy to take time for granted. To think of minutes only as they relate to how much longer you have to do that task that you are tired of doing. Or days as in the number you have left until that break or vacation that you so desperately need. All of these instances and others like them are what cause us not to be present in our daily lives. Not being present lends to us not being intentional in our actions. Not being intentional leaves things to chance. With our lack of presence we make impressions on others without being conscious of the effects, we miss out on connecting with others, but more importantly we neglect to allow ourselves to feel deeply and create more of the memories that we will never forget.
I took a 21 day hiatus from social media in order to allow myself to be more present in my daily life and it really allowed me to really realize who I was connected to, and become more grounded in myself. It is easy to get caught up in pseudo connections and falsify callousness in lieu of self-esteem. However, being present is like pulling off the veil of the bullshit. Seeing people for who they are, not just looking at them but into them. Moreover, not just looking at yourself but looking into you. Realizing what you are about, what you have to offer, where you want to go. It is not something that you can just switch on and do. Just as we have conditioned ourselves to need a phone, a social media page, etc we have to decondition. It is an effort that takes practice and time but I’m so glad to be on the journey. Here are a few things that help me daily:
Put the phone down more.
Talk to people then really listen. Actively listen. Then respond.
Ask yourself questions (e.g. How does this make me feel? Why?)
Above all, “Be Present. Be Intentional. Be Easy.”
Expression Over Impressing... [2.12.17]
Who are you doing it for? Yourself or others? For me the arts has always been about expression. When I think of any amazing historical piece of writing, musical composition, visual art, etc. I feel as though the artists had a point of view that they wanted to express. As an artist, there is the beautiful opportunity to be able to talk about YOUR experience through YOUR lens. I find it unfortunate when artists forfeit this luxury by subscribing to what they think will impress audiences.
I spoke recently at one of my shows about how I got lost at a point in my journey and was seeking to impress others. It is so easy to get caught up in this "like, comment, follow" culture that we are surrounded by. Even outside of the arts, this culture associates likes, comments, and follows with a sense of value. As if to say that those with less likes are less attractive, talented, relevant, etc. We have a responsibility to ourselves to no longer oblige impressing others and simply express ourselves however we see fit. A friend of mine always says, "You're living your best life..." It's a simple statement but for me it's so powerful to own your journey and making it the best for yourself as you know it to be at this point in your life.
In a world where everyone wants go viral, be legendary. Keep living. Stay golden. All love.
Stop Expecting Flowers From People That Can't Even Grow A Garden... [1.19.17]
So it happens to the best of us. We get so caught up in trying to get someone to see us that we don’t take a thorough look at who they are. I’m beyond guilty. I tried for so long with multiple friends and past relationships. We get so caught up in ourselves and how we want their attention, affection, admiration, essentially ‘flowers’. We make their lack of engagement about us instead of about them. We never check to see if they have the ability to appreciate the good that we have to offer. Maybe the things we acknowledge as our goods aren’t reciprocated by them because of their experiences or conditioning. I think it’s important to grow our own ‘gardens’. Do it for yourself sometimes.
And I am not in any way implying that someone not being able to offer what we need in a situation makes them undeserving of reciprocity. However they are not suitable for this particular situation. Maybe we are in different spaces in life and that is ok. I just know that sometimes the expectations that we have for some people they will never fully realize because that is not their dexterity. The same for ourselves. As the old saying goes, if you judge a fish on it’s ability to fly, it will always believe it is inept. So we are all able and there is someone for everyone, be it romantic or platonic. Above all, compliment your damn self. Don’t look for acceptance, support, or approval from people, no matter how close you’re supposed to be.
Beginning Starts with New... [1.15.17]
Happy New Year. Better Late than never. For me the year ending is always about shedding. I task myself with identifying what happened this year that I did not grow from? What lesson should I avoid learning again? What personal exchanges am I engaged in that are not reciprocally beneficial? Then I begin to shed. Last year's ending was especially unique for me. Unearthing that shedding doesn't always have to mean removal. It is sometimes shifting your expectation or focus within certain relationships. Other takeaways for the past year are forgiveness and freedom.
Forget Forgive the past. Forgive yourself, the people that hurt you, failures that did, situations that you couldn’t control. Apply the lessons that you learned from the past but don’t live in those moments. Indulge wholeheartedly in the present. Fall in love with your journey as it unfolds.
Find your freedom! Liberation looks different on everyone. Social media will make you think it’s carbon copied and filled with cool views of exotic locations but don’t try to counterfeit what others do. Autonomy can be as simple as saying how you feel or doing what you want.
Find happiness and you will find a great moment. Find joy and you will find the great in every moment. Happiness feels so conditional. Joy is like a positive perception despite what comes your way.
With joy in my heart and peace in my mind. I am ready.
I Miss It... [12.12.16]
I miss it! Somewhere along the way, all this other shit got so fuckin’ important and all of a sudden it was like some kind of pseudo relationship I was in and I was fuckin' importance… instead of you. I love the way that you feel next to me. I love the way we intertwine and whether there is a crowd or no one at all we show the fuck out. Yeah, we do it like its two thousand and motherfuckin nine when everything wasn’t fine but good enough… and I was on my grind. You were all that was on my mind. Man those were the days and those were the ways that you needed to be loved. I loved you then. I mean don’t get me wrong I got so much love for you now that it hurts me that I’m still fuckin’ importance. But I really loved you then. I loved you past the sunset into the night when everything was off and nothing else was there. I loved you past my hunger and needs. I loved you because you allowed me to just be when nothing or no one else would. You allowed to love you the only way that I could. Damn I wish we were still fuckin’ around like we were then. Fuckin' importance only makes me smile so big. I’m so over this bitch. She’s needy, clingy, and time consuming. I wish it were you I was doing. But I’m at the age, and these are the days and this is the time where importance gets her way every time. Hopefully one day I’ll be brave enough to let her ass go and get back with you. That would realign my smile I tell you. Damn. I really miss it.
We all have things that get in the way of what or who we really love sometimes. Even while doing the things we love, there are parts of the journey that are less favorable. We miss the ease of how things 'used to be'. I was reminded recently of my passion and drive when I began. I always want it to be enjoyable. I always want to have that fire inside. I always want to love it. Although it's the journey that makes the destination a reality, its the journey that holds all the memories and I want to remember these moments forever.
So... What's Your Type? [12.4.16]
We ask “What is your type?” not so much to know what someone likes for real. We ask to hear a piece of ourselves in their response. To hear at least the reflection of our shadows in some part of the statement. Tell us that minimal outline or idea of us is what you need, want, are used to, or could get into. We want to hear that to know that we are enough. We want to feel that our glasses are half full because we cannot deal with the idea that they may be half empty to you.
Why is this even a question while dating or getting to know potential partners? The question seems like an invitation to insecurities and efforted attraction. If we don't hear a part of ourselves in the answer to this question we automatically begin to question why this person is interested in us and doubt that there could be any real chemistry. If we do hear a part of ourselves in the answer we feel the need to play on those characteristics as if those isolated traits can capture and maintain the interest of said person.
This whole question goes back to the idea of nature vs nurture. You can allow your connection with a person to be organic and see if things progress into something more. Alternatively, you can nurture the situation and tell them what you like and don't like, etc. I do believe that the latter of the two is what lends to people subconsciously falsifying who they are to impress the other person. Just being yourself is the best way to find out if you are someone's "type". No need to over complicate it and make yourself feel inadequate.
I Thought I was In Love Once... [12.1.16]
I used to think I was in love when I was in my early twenties, then again in my mid twenties, and each time i realized how in love I wasn’t after it was over. Sometimes we latch on to someone to avoid facing ourselves, the ugly things, the unlovable things. We look for a physical savior instead of emotionally saving ourselves. We look for someone to accept all of the things about ourselves that we don’t like. If they can accept it, it is that much easier for us to accept it. We look for someone to replace our no’s with yes’ so we can believe again. What a waste it is to believe in someone else more than yourself. Self love is the prerequisite for reciprocity and a quality life. How you livin'?
I'm currently living my best life. Self lovin'. Truly loving myself. Hard. Its amazing that our culture conditions young boys to think that loving makes them 'soft' and if you do love, it is something external that you save for special someone, your family, etc. But you spend your whole life with you. We allow ourselves to remain damaged not because we don't want better but because we are afraid. Intrepidly, taking out some time to get to know myself again, people aside, was one of the best decisions of my life. I make better decisions. Decisions that not only consider others but myself because my love isn't just external anymore. It's ok to have a little bit for yourself. Happy lovin'.